Friday, December 19, 2014

Gamechanger

It was a night full of promise
When you stopped by my place
Under the glaring streetlight
Creating a comforting haze
Casting out of the shadow
Your chiseled, pale face
Which I used to ignore
But I now start to adore.

You asked me to stride
Side by side with you
And just stomp on every path
Our feet will lead us to
And just let the night slip
As unhurriedly so
And give way for December's cold
To sting its way through.

We sailed in the night
With bouts of banter
Filling the air
With quips and laughter
And as you probe on things
About my shrouded near past
I told you it was nothing
But a long and dull drag.

I heard you chuckle
And heave a sigh of relief
And you slipped a grin
That spoke of mischief
I then shot you questions
That pierced through your soul
And you shot me back
Full of vengeful fervor.

Layer after layer
We stripped ourselves off
Until our hard, blunt core
Is all there is to be spared
Sans all pretense
And sly illusions
I saw your pure heart
And truthful intentions.
You spoke your mind
With humble conviction
And judged not my acts
And all imperfections.

Your soothing voice
Is all that resonated
In that very moment
I saw hope unraveled
That maybe this time
Things will fall into place
That I'll stop playing my cards
With such a careless haste
And stop freeing pretty words
That barely speak of the case
And cease doing things
Out of whim and pure jape.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Rated PG


One of the best things being under your care is having the opportunity to face life's major crossroads with independence, of deciding what path to take according to my gut feelings, the wisdom I gained and the courage I built over the years.

Ever since I can remember, you always give me chance to state my propositions, which you evaluate, you applaud for or which you evoke a request for modification, but you respect whatever I make out of that request.

I decide and act on things without the stifling whispering in my ears dictating me what to do or where to go next. I sail along the rough rivers of life, with you as the gentle wind that prevents me from coursing toward the banks.

I may make mistakes or get in trouble along the way, but you always believe that I could and I would device a plan to get out of these predicaments. Regardless if I come out wounded or unscathed, the thing is I would always come out and I come out better than I ever was.

At the end of the day, it is always about this wonderful feeling of being fully trusted by you. That trust which enables me to continuously build faith in myself, making me learn precious life lessons first-hand, that trust which now makes me walk valiantly on the road I have proudly chosen.

This road though, might not be the straightest, or the smoothest or the best there is, still someday, unfailingly, you know that I will reach my destination. Undoubtedly, no matter how long it takes, that I will fulfill my life's purpose.

Mama and Papa, thanks for the trust. Thanks for believing. I am forever grateful.

The grander things

                                      



There are some things expected of me at this point, but meeting those expectations doesn't play at peace with my soul.

I always ponder about being liberated from this leash that ties my name to a particular field of knowledge --a leash that inadvertently defines who I am today, who I should be, and where I am supposed to go. Despite having such love and [morbid] fascination with this field, I happen to have an affair with several other things. Sadly, they do not stride at par with the 'grander' things offered in that field.

Even though it seems ridiculous to be trailing off too far from the beautiful, straight road already laid down before me, I am certain that I am meant to break away in order to explore more worlds and depths. Other worlds where I will be equally rewarded, where I will be meeting different faces of my being, which I will yet to be cast out of the shadow.

Though I may not take leaps and bounds at the beginning, all I want is for you to believe that I am heading somewhere good, a place that you will someday see to be as beautiful as how I see it today.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

A Reflection Paper on the Movie “Tuesdays with Morrie”

Instruction: Choose 3 life lessons from the movie and tell a story of how you are applying it to your life in the present or if not, how you will make use of it in the future.

You’re not a wave, you are part of the ocean.”


When I was a child, like everybody else, I had this egocentric view of myself. It’s when I considered my actions to be solely bound for my own fulfillment, with little regard of its effects to the people and the situation around me. I know it comes with growing up because through the years, eventually I have developed a wider view and better interpretation of things.

I learned that I am an essential element of the universe where my actions create rippling effects.  I have learned that like a wave, I am not created to exist alone, that I should live as an integral part of the society. For example, I have determined well my roles and responsibilities as a citizen. I know my civil responsibility of taking care of the environment which I manifest every single day by avoiding at all cost the use of non-biodegradable disposable materials like plastic. I know how an innocent single candy wrapper or a small piece of plastic bag from the grocery could be a significant contribution to the formation of a monstrous garbage mass, which could clog up the draining system of the metropolis, and eventually destroy precious lives when typhoon comes. With that, I have learned to act in accordance with what is going to be beneficial to myself, to the people around me and the society as whole.

Another meaning I can pull out from this movie line is that my life, like waves, will eventually crash to nothing in the end, but crashing to nothing is something not be afraid of because it would nevertheless be making an impact. With this in mind, I would struggle to live well by doing socially-relevant deeds – by being a life saver, being an advocate of nature and of the youth, a writer who gives voice to the oppressed, an artist who inspires the hopeless – so that when my time to crash and disappear comes, I would make a colossal impact to the world which I will still be part of no matter what, which I will be part of forever, because it has good memory of my existence.

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

This lesson from the movie reinforced me to pursue a dream I had back in high school. Back then, I have already established a view of my future where I am a public servant – a doctor who promotes and maintains the well-being of individuals and of the society as a whole. I would work very hard to be a significant part of the society by being a healer, at the same time an educator and an inspiration to the youth. I have seen how children of incompetent parents and broken families were misled into unproductive or even illegal activities and risky vices. Seeing this generation eventually become the next workforce of the society, it is really a tragedy for our country.  With this, I will work hard to establish recreational centers for the youth where they are offered a wide variety of activities geared towards their personal development and with the ultimate end of producing fully-competent citizens who will run the future Philippines and bring it to the top of the race. With all this, I would be more than confident to die knowing that I lived my life well, with great purpose and meaning. 

 “ . . . there is no such thing as ‘too late’ in life.”; “Don’t assume that it is too late to get involved.”

Entering UST College of Nursing has honestly scrapped off many significant chances for me to expand my horizon as a teenager. I was not given the luxury of time to be well-rounded enough, to see the world in so many perspectives, to get involved with many significant events in the society. Basically I was not living a life like how my imagination of a university life should be. I was not able to fully participate in organizations which I dreamed of being part of (like the performing arts group Mediartrix, the official publication of UST, the Varsitarian, and many more) because of the impossibility of acting out my role as a student-nurse and being someone else at the same time. Although I am already about to graduate from my bachelor’s degree, med school is now preparing a grand welcome feast for me. Same story goes, I know it would be very difficult to be someone else aside from being a med student. But with all my courage, confidence and faith in God, I will try my best to be the artist and the writer I dream of becoming. Since there is no such thing as too late, I will learn how to manage my time wisely and how to utilize all the resources around me in order to live out a personally fulfilling life.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My Career Map


Our professors are requiring us to make fun things lately. So for my Professional Adjustment course, we were told to draw a career map and I came up with this. B-)



Saturday, September 15, 2012

If I Only Have 3 Months to Live

So I have this cool doctor professor who made us watch the movie Bucket List during our MedSurg class. We all were expecting a reflection paper on a certain US healthcare system issue tackled in the movie but he ended up letting us make our own Bucket List! Fun thing to do, really! :) So here is MY bucket list if only given three months to live....

[ ] Publish a memoir, together with the compilation of my writings since I was 8 years old.

[ ] Party hard with my friends again, have a taste of all kinds of liquor, drink hard till I crawl back to bed in the morning. Wake up still with them.

[ ] Finish driving lessons with my dad. Have my own car.

[ ] Get close to my sister. Say sorry for all the heartaches I caused. Love her like how a big sister should.

[ ] Play the boldest Truth or Dare.

[ ] Sing my rendition of Guns N Roses' Sweet Child of Mine with a band.

[ ] Save a life of a random sad person who would most likely end it earlier than mine

[ ] Go back surfing. This time during a bad weather. With the most raging waves.

[ ] Live one whole day on the streets together with the homeless. Witness life on a whole new perspective.

[ ] Listen to Sublime's Santeria on full-blast woofers while on a beach party with my high school friends.

[ ] Win the international essay writing contest I joined in last summer.

[ ] Do chest compressions and rescue breathing to a real person.

[ ] Visit an orphanage, play with children, tell them stories of inspiration, give them hope.

[ ] Sit in a class in the med school. Make a feel of how life is if I were a real med student.

[ ] Sing my heart out to every song of Lighthouse Family while on a road trip in the countryside with my family.

[ ] Make it back to the Dean's list.

[ ] Witness my Mom and Dad finally get back together and recreate the perfect family I once had.

[ ] Hug everyone close to me, say sorry and give thanks.

[ ] Give chance to the longest-standing suitor.

[ ] Fall in love.

[ ] Die on a lake house at sunset.

If given say, a year, and if there wasn't a 250 word limit, this list would expand out of control for sure. :)) So what's YOUR Bucket List? :)

Monday, June 11, 2012

That Crucial Step Forward: To Take or Not To Take?



I cried over it already because of the pain of confusion and indecisiveness (worse, having no one to guide me in deciding). I locked myself inside my room and reflected on it for almost one day. It is something very serious. It's something needing a long and arduous process of self examination. It's one of the most crucial decision I will be making in this lifetime. It's a quarter-life crisis. It's about what I am going to do with my future. It entails the courage to spend a large slice of my life 'suffering'. And it requires an unfaltering passion and dedication. It's entering Med school.

Since I was young, I never remember an instance that I doubted my dream of becoming a doctor. I've always wanted to be a doctor. My parents always see me becoming one. My father once dreamed becoming one himself and maybe, at one point in my innocence he was the one who gradually 'implanted' that dream to my mind. But now that I am too close to transforming it to reality, I am also already matured enough to weigh things realistically. And when I did weigh things 'realistically' boy was I suddenly horrified. Stupefied. Mollified and petrified. Seriously, I have never realized before how much of a sacrifice a med student must undergo. Before, all I see about being a doctor is being able to heroically save hundreds of lives and becoming filthy rich. I never put too much thought on the process one must undergo before getting there. I only imagined med school as plain as reading volumes after volumes of books and dissecting corpses - both of which thrills me by the way. But now I know it's a million more than reading and knifing. It is definitely far more complicated than that. So on my pursuit to finally put my heart and mind to rest, I have come up with my unique list of arguments as to why I should or should not enter med school. I made it in such a way that it suits my values and aspirations in life. So here it goes (in no particular order)...

Why enter med school?
1. Gratification in saving lives
2. Lifetime financial security
3. Love for learning
4. Love for the Sciences
5. Prestige in profession
6. Family pride
7. Escape from the intrinsically limited professional independence of being a RN, (not to mention scarce employment opportunities in thine Motherland)
8. Innate abilities suited for med school (critical thinking skills, analysis, being able to function well in crisis situations, high tolerance for sleep deprivation, et cetera)
9. Global relevance of skill set/being able to practice anywhere in the world

Why NOT enter med school?
1. Prime years of life spent unhealthily
2. Death of a colorful social life
3. Less to zero chance of transforming my dream adventures to reality (those which I can only do in my youth)
4. Bigger chance for faulty relationships (family, romance, friendship,...)
5. A decade more to spend life in my home country (where life sucks for many reason)
6. Ridiculously expensive tuition fee
7. Less to zero chance of improving my talents/passions in other areas (e.g. arts and literature)

As I tried to read between the lines and consider what really matters in my life, the cons outweigh the pros in ways that only my heart can understand. I definitely need more time, advice, and realizations before I could finally come up with a solid decision. I just wish that I an epiphany will dawn on me very soon because I only have a few months left to think on this matter. Damn life why you so hard!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

It's still you...



Last night I dreamed of you. And it was no ordinary dream about you. It was one of the most vivid, with the most complete story line, and probably the longest dream I've had in two decades. 
I thought that my heart has forgotten about you already, I never expected you  to go astray in the chemical circuits of my brain and end up playing as the main character of my dream. But you did and I feel very happy and very sad at the same time. 
In the dream which contained us like enchanted beings, you were with someone else, but you took the risk of talking to me with no hesitations, you told me the deepest desires of your heart which I thirsted of hearing from you, which you never transformed into words in the real world...which you let me know only through your actions...and it was never enough for me. I wanted the words, and finally you gave me your words, although only in a virtual dimension.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Going Green! My First Flowering Plant :)



I am a dreamer and my dreams come in many packages - big, small, easy, probable, difficult, almost impossible, even the impossible. But no matter what their size or shape are, I do everything I can to transform them to reality.  
One thing quite special about my dreams is that each of them is strictly time-bound. I have this mental note of the things I should accomplish or do before I turn twenty, twenty five, thirty and so on. Today, I'm proud to say I'm already on the process of crossing out one of the small dreams I have -- to nurture a flowering plant. (YAY!)


My best friend and I went to the mall earlier. When I was looking for a campus planner for my sister, I stumbled on the gift section and found cute tumblers which turned out to be not merely tumblers but DIY flowering plant kit! I instantly fell in love with the idea of growing a plant in my dorm room. It would certainly feel  great having something to look forward to after a tiring day at school. Last March, I bought a pet hedgehog but unfortunately, Mr. Forrest died during the summer. I just feel the need to once again take care of some living creature other than human beings (i.e. mi pacientes) so I bought a plant. Actually I bought two -  Lavender seeds for me and Myosotis seeds for my sister. 

My plant will start sprouting in 5-20 days according to the instruction leaflet. I really wish they will sprout and bloom beautifully till the end of days. (Oh please I cannot afford another death in my jurisdiction.) Talking about being too excited, I'm already thinking to whom I will be giving the first batch of blooms! Surely enough, it would be for a special person who deserves the amount of TLC I poured on my plant. Now wish me and my baby luck!




Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Y U No entertain me politics?!

WARNING: Ridiculously ignorant rambling of  a politically impotent mind ahead.

 
Ever since I can remember, I have always tried to avoid political issues of my country - may it be from watching the news, reading the paper or listening to adults at home discussing whatever ruckus there is in politics. It is always a perplexing - almost scary - phenomenon for me particularly watching news reports on television.  At times when I would accidentally catch news updates regarding Philippine politics, an innocent electromagentic radiation-emitting entity as the TV would transform into this monstrous creature that sucks all the happiness and hope from my soul leaving me with great despair. Yes, to me political issues are exactly just like the Dementors. Giving an ear to them would only vacuum all my dreams for my country's future and the false sense of security of being an ignorant citizen.

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